Zen dog, dudes, and mouth-breathers

Yup. That's me. Underwater. With obvious hair issues, and apparently almost getting kicked in the head...

So tonight was Pool 4, and obviously my underwater camera from Ebay was working all right-- but I accidently put a full SD card in it, so I couldn't take many pics.

Tonight I was determined to tell Zen-- who hasn't seemed very zen lately-- that I needed to get on the fast track.

I finally figured him out, by the way. He's a dog. At the last pool one of the other students was an extremely attractive woman about 23-ish. I mean, no-one-deserves-to-look-that-good attractive. And Zen was goofy around her, and didn't get much done. That seems to be the thing. How's he expect to reach Nirvana if he can't stop slobbering? Now that I get that, it makes life easier. I know what to expect.

Gorgeous Chick wasn't here tonight, and Zen was a whole different person. A person I like better, frankly. Much more business-like.

So I told him I needed to get things done-- TWO WEEKS is all I have. He mumbled something about getting comfortable in the water and I gave him a nice determined face in return.

I was paired tonight with someone I haven't been in the pool with yet-- another pale chubby white chick like myself. No problem, I thought, at least we can commiserate about buoyancy issues, right? The other divers were good-natured frat boy types—the same ones I’d dived with on Tuesday. They were WAY ahead of me then, at least it seemed like it!

We started with the same ol’ skills, but this time I was keen on making it look like it was natural (fake it ‘til you make it). Pale Girl was all over the place, and when we took a quick break on the surface Zen quickly scrambled the pairs and… wait for it…

HE LET ME DIVE WITH THE FRAT BOYS. DUDE!!! I can do it. Graduating from the remedial squad and headed to the deep end, Baby!! Uh huh, you know it!

Zen told us to go to the deep end, and Dude #1 asked if we were just supposed to “dink around.” This was a good question—and Zen actually gave us specific things to do.

Add to all this the fact that I had a camera to play with underwater, and I was quite a happy camper. We worked on (to extend my zen metaphor) what I will call the lotus position—basically hovering half way between the top and bottom of the pool sitting Indian style. We practiced being able to raise and lower yourself by controlling your breathing. THAT was a trip. It kind of looks like someone doing pushups near the bottom of the pool, but they aren’t using their arms. Apparently I am a heavy breather because I had trouble doing the teeny little movements. I was UP too much or DOWN too much. But I started to get it. Scuba, remember, is about NOT moving too much… it’s about letting go.

And here’s an epiphany from tonight: I needed to breathe more like I was playing my sax. The exercises where you take your regulator (the mouth piece) out, everyone was trying to describe how to control exhaling, and Zen was saying it was more of a hum than an ah… and I thought—it’s like playing an instrument. Then Zen said we needed to exhale all the way—even a little extra air in the lungs and all of a sudden you’re floating—and we should use our diaphragms. Ah-ha! It IS like the sax!

Oh, but this is me we’re talking about, so it couldn’t all be rosey. I’m not a fearless frat boy. I’m a fearful freaked out chick, and some of the other new stuff was scary. We were supposed to take our masks off and let Zen drag us across the pool before being allowed to put the thing on again.

I have a little trouble with the mask off and on thing. Every time I take the blasted thing off under water I want to take a big breath through my nose. This is not a good idea, to say the least. So while Zen dragged Dudes 1,2, and 3 around without their masks, I thought I’d try a quick trial run. Yup, I sucked water up my nose.

Back at the surface Zen had me hold the side of the pool, then he took away my mask (the meanie), and made me just breathe through the regulator with my face in the water. I figured out that I am NOT a mouth-breather, but I’d better become one quick! I think I’m probably trying to breathe through my nose, even with the mask.

Long story short—I managed to do it—and still haven’t drowned myself.

When we got out I asked Zen just how retarded I really am under water.

“What do you mean?” he said, “Are there some of the skills you aren’t comfortable with?”
“No. I think everything’s fine.”
“Well, are YOU feeling comfortable down there?”
“Well, yeah, I’m getting there.”
He just smiled.

Very zen of you, Zen. Cheers.